Its those things that make me shake,

that make my knees buckle and my fingernails break,

that make the acid in my stomach eat at itself,

that make me want to be another, anybody else,

that brings tears to my eyes and bumps to my skin

that corrodes my teeth, my gums, all organs within,

Its those things that leave blisters on my feet and burns on my face

the things that I’ve come to need and refuse to replace.

…and I’m choking on the smoke I inhale to ease the pain.

The weight of time presses hard on my chest, 

squeezing you out of my lungs, forcing me to confess.

I’ve made myself sick purging my name from my lips,

Im rewarded with betrayal, it digs in and it rips

away all I ever hoped to say.

You never listened anyway.

Theres so much going on and only you know the truth,

like a first grader keeping secrets, and no one has any proof.

But I’m ditching this sandbox filled with regret and your lies,

I’ll dust myself off, there’s no room for compromise.

Yes now I walk taller and I might throw a smile your way,

Because I’m over twister and battleship and all the other games you play.

I’m at the top and not even for you will I come down.

This time I’m ripe and I’m golden, baby I’m space bound.

Ive been in the weirdest funk lately…

chasing things that I don’t need, and asking others for second chances.

And today, it hit me…and it hit hard.

Its harder for me to give myself a second chance, than to get others to give one to me.

Hopefully, out with the funk and in with the phunk…lolol, yeah, that was lame and i dared to go there. Already feeling better =]

Happiness =]

Never, until now, have I experienced the old phrase “When one door closes, another opens.” I just thought it was a grown-up’s way of telling me to look to the future, because they didn’t want to listen to me complain.

Now I stand before both doors.

A beautiful, inviting opportunity calls out to me…and you slam the other door in my face.

I never knew how tight my grip was on your squirming hand, or how much i depended on the gaze of your deceitful eyes.

I have talked myself in circles trying to prove you not guilty, holding on to empty hopes and your word. 

I made myself sick from purging your name from my tired lips.

So I guess this is my wake up call, my kick in the ass, my last goodbye.

The salt I sweat, the tears I cry, the swears I spit, and the hungers in my heart will no longer exist because of you.

Yes, this is my wake up call, my kick in the ass, and my last goodbye.